can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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