He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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