I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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