My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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