those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
