11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
