I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
