the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
