It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just want to make out with him forever
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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