I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
