friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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