Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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