Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
