In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
