Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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