Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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