I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
