You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
