Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
