she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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