It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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