you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
