She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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