your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
