She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
