i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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