why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
