I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
