Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
