i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
