I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want a musical about memes.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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