I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
