I think I died a long time ago.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
