Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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