i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
