I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize