the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
