there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
