Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize