the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
