There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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