What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
