He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
