we have officially lost it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
