Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She told me I should be a condom model.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
