Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize