were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize