I just threw up on my dentist
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize