Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
