It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
