I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
