he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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