Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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