If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
