I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
