I don't usually arrange sex via text message
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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