Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
