just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
