she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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