im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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