There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Randomize
