Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
