I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
