Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
