They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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