I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
