Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
