sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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