Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
